某日打算引用「愛是想觸碰又收回手」借題發揮，想起原文跟這句翻譯差別頗大，出於不想錯得太離譜而去查了點資料，恍然醒覺根本沒讀過完整原文，很難作出想要的判斷。還好原文不長……但我又做了多餘的事於是現在才寫完XD
。
原文標題《The Heart of a Broken Story》似乎包含可對調名詞的文字遊戲，最初覺得說不定可以譯作「碎事之心」，對調起來文法亦通，但「碎事」指瑣碎之事而非Broken Story（破碎殘缺、不完整的故事），目前想不到比〈破碎故事之心〉更好的選擇。有說應譯作「碎故事之心」，由於雙字詞強迫症作祟實在無法欣然認同——接下來揭示了這個毛病會變成障礙。
I came to New York from Seattle. I was going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. But in four years I’ve learned that I am not going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. I’m a good printer’s assistant, but that’s all I am. One day the printer got sick, and I had to take his place. What a mess I made of things, Miss Lester. No one would take my orders. The typesetters just sort of giggled when I would tell them to get to work. And I don’t blame them. I’m a fool when I give orders. I suppose I’m just one of the millions who was never meant to give orders. But I don’t mind anymore. There’s a twenty-three-year-old kid my boss just hired. He’s only twenty-three, and I am thirty-one and have worked at the same place for four years. But I know that one day he will become head printer, and I will be his assistant. But I don’t mind knowing this anymore.
「我從西雅圖來到紐約，希望成為名利雙收、衣著光鮮的斯文人。但四年過去，我早已明白自己不會坐收名利，亦不會是得體的紳士。我算是能幹的印刷技工，最多只是這樣。某日印刷員生病了，我要代他的班——李斯特小姐，我做得糟透了。完全沒人聽我指揮，我叫排字員開始工作，他們就一陣嘻笑。我倒不會怪責他們，因為我命令別人時就像個笨蛋。我大概跟千千萬萬的庸人一樣，根本不是這塊料子，不過無所謂了。我的老闆最近請了一個23歲的小伙子，他才23歲，我卻31了，在同一個職位工作了四年。我知道有一天他會成為印刷主管，而我仍在當技工，但就算是這樣我也不介意了。」
“Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o’clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think love is a touch and yet not a touch.
「愛著你才是重要的事，李斯特小姐。有些人認為愛是上床，是婚姻，是早上六點的早安吻還有孩子。也許真是如此，但李斯特小姐，你知道我是怎麼想的嗎？我覺得愛不是觸碰，是觸動。」
“I suppose it’s important to a woman that other people think of her as the wife of a man who is either rich, handsome, witty or popular. I’m not even popular. I’m not even hated. I’m just—I’m just—Justin Horgenschlag. I never make people gay, sad, angry, or even disgusted. I think people regard me as a nice guy, but that’s all.
「大概對女士來說，她們需要讓人知道自己嫁給了富有、英俊、風趣或受歡迎的男人。我連受歡迎都說不上，甚至不會有人恨我，我只是——我不過就是積斯汀‧豪根斯勒，不曾使人開懷、傷心、生氣，哪怕厭惡。他們也許覺得我是個好人，僅此而已。」
“When I was a child no one pointed me out as being cute or bright or good-looking. If they had to say something they said I had sturdy little legs.
「小時候，從來不會有人稱讚我可愛聰明或長得好看，如果他們非要說點甚麼，就會說我雙腿短小卻結實。」
“I don’t expect an answer to this letter, Miss Lester. I would like an answer more than anything else in the world, but truthfully I don’t expect one. I merely wanted you to know the truth. If my love for you has only led me to a new and great sorrow, only I am to blame.
「李斯特小姐，我不指望收到回信。雖然我在這世上最想要的就是你的回覆，但我真的不奢求會得到。我只希望你能知道一切原委。如果我對你的愛最終為我帶來更深切的悲傷，那也是咎由自取。」
實踐與理論出現偏差的賽後檢討
Justin Horgenschlag是印刷工，用字比較淺白，說話應該不會太文縐縐，翻譯時卻控制不好，才發現不無可取之處，部份簡單口語化的句式可以參考，「有錢有名有款有型」滿有創意的w「有型」可能有待斟酌但乍看之下還好（？）不太會取納這個版本，但我確實也想不出這種譯法。
於是，發現句式/詞彙變化不夠，用慣三板斧就不願改變了，是惰性。
這篇感覺在諷刺胡鬧裡藏著認真的地方（也可能是來自Horgenschlag的虛擬深情），需要保持淺白、符合性格，樸實體現這份真摯。
參考
這篇看法滿合理的，Justin Horgenschlag偷了Lester的銀包被抓入獄，如果在信裡寫「想觸碰又收回手」，一來對平平無奇的印刷工來說這句修辭過份文藝不夠直接（但我翻譯時也做不到），二來則是他都當扒手了，要是Miss Lester看到這句，可能會忍不住諷刺他幾句。
「Love is a touch and yet not a touch」的touch語帶雙關，才能用yet，讓人停下思考「咦到底是哪一種touch」，同時保持模糊，不至於出現「非A是B」的切割分明效果。其實上面譯得不太準確，本來考慮過「愛不止觸碰，更是觸動」，次序有點不對。「愛尚非觸碰，更是觸動」，沒有「尚非」這個詞吧……而且邏輯不通。「愛尚不是觸碰，而是觸動」好像顯得觸碰才是終點，聽起來也不夠力——
好啦玩夠了，不想玩了請放過我（指自己）。
回到「愛是想觸碰又收回手」，這句本身很漂亮，留下足夠多的想像空間。只要將這句跟翻譯隔離開來，討論就能開始了w
沒有留言:
發佈留言